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COUPLE / Que penser de la différence d'âge ?

Posted on December 15, 2016 at 7:30 AM

COUPLE

Que penser de la différence d'âge ?


Que l'on soit célèbre comme Bruce Willis, Michael Douglas ou Johnny Hallyday qui affichent des écarts d'âge de plus de 20 ans avec leurs femmes, ou qu'on ne le soit pas, il n'y a pas d'âge pour être heureux ! Mais cela cache-t-il quelque chose ?




Les femmes qui sont attirées par les hommes plus âgés recherchent-elles inconsciemment leur père ?

Non, cela est vraiment une idée reçue. Il ne faut pas confondre différence d'âge dans le couple et recherche du père. Les femmes qui ont un besoin inconscient ou conscient de retrouver leur père, parce qu'elles sont notamment à la recherche de sécurité, d'autorité… ou parce qu'elles entretiennent un rapport infantile avec les hommes, peuvent aussi bien trouver ce qu'elles cherchent avec quelqu'un qui a le même âge qu'elles ou même qui est plus jeune.

 

Les hommes qui choisissent des femmes plus âgées qu'eux tentent-ils inconsciemment de retrouver la protection maternelle ?

Ce n'est pas automatique, puisque l'amour n'est pas une question d'âge, mais d'attirance. Quand les hommes ne sont pas libérés de l'autorité de leur mère ou qu'elle garde encore une grande influence sur eux, ils cherchent à se faire dominer par les femmes et cela, quel que soit leur âge. Ainsi, ils ne prennent aucune décision et ils acceptent de se faire disputer, comme s'ils étaient encore des enfants. En se mettant dans une telle situation, ils ont l'impression que leur femme les protège et qu'elle est un peu leur mère. Lorsqu'ils ont ce besoin de rester « enfant » ils l'assouvissent parfois avec une femme plus âgée, qui aura forcément plus d'expérience qu'eux et qui sera donc plus affirmée.

 

Peut-on dire que cela flatte l'égo d'un homme d'être avec une femme plus jeune ?

Certains hommes ou certaines femmes recherchent des compagnes ou des compagnons plus jeunes qu'eux dans le but de se mettre en valeur. Dans ce cas, ils choisissent souvent quelqu'un qui présente bien physiquement, qui a fait de hautes études ou qui exerce une profession peu commune et brandissent la personne comme un trophée. On ne peut pas dire qu'il y ait d'amour dans ce genre de relation, car la personne plus jeune est plutôt considérée comme un objet, utilisé pour flatter l'égo de l'autre. En revanche, lorsqu'il s'agit d'une relation sincèrement amoureuse, celui du couple qui est le plus âgé va forcément se poser de nombreuses questions relatives à la différence d'âge. Il va se demander si avec le temps, sa compagne ou son compagnon ne va pas le quitter, s'il sera toujours désirable, à la hauteur physiquement… Et toutes ces interrogations vont plutôt fragiliser son égo.

 

La différence d'âge des parents peut-elle créer des difficultés aux enfants ?

Quand l'enfant regarde ses parents, il ne voit pas un couple avec une différence d'âge, mais son père et sa mère. Ce sont les autres qui vont lui faire remarquer cette différence de façon parfois malveillante, en lui disant, par exemple, que son père pourrait être son grand-père. Si le couple vit bien sa différence d'âge, l'enfant ressentira la cohérence entre ses parents et n'aura aucune difficulté à affronter le regard ou les réflexions des autres. En revanche, si l'écart d'âge est mal vécu par ses parents, que l'un ou l'autre le fait souvent remarquer… l'enfant va se sentir différent des autres et les réflexions dont il fera l'objet renforceront ce sentiment. Il pourra alors éprouver des difficultés à s'intégrer au groupe de ses camarades de classe.

 

Les couples qui ont une différence d'âge sont-ils plus fragiles que les autres ?

Ils sont souvent la proie d'idées reçues, comme celle que l'homme ou la femme plus jeune s'est marié avec l'autre par intérêt financier. Le regard, la peur du jugement des autres ou le fait d'être souvent obligé de se justifier sur leur choix peut vouer leur relation à l'échec. Néanmoins, s'ils se moquent de ce que l'on peut dire sur eux et se soutiennent mutuellement, ils finiront par faire une vraie équipe et bien qu'ils ne vieillissent pas au même rythme, qu'ils aient parfois des préoccupations différentes, ils formeront souvent un couple complémentaire et plus solide que les autres.

 

L'écart d'âge tisse t-il des liens particuliers dans le couple ?

Parce qu'ils ont une différence d'âge, les couples pensent souvent que leur relation durera moins longtemps que les autres, notamment parce que le plus jeune craint toujours la disparition du conjoint plus âgé. Or, aujourd'hui, avec l'allongement de l'espérance de vie et la multiplication des divorces, cela n'est plus vrai. La longévité d'un couple n'a aucun rapport avec l'écart d'âge. Néanmoins, cette idée reste bien ancrée dans les esprits et les couples ont toujours tendance à vivre leur relation intensément, comme si le temps leur était compté. Cela renforce leurs liens et ils ont généralement davantage d'attentions et sont plus protecteurs l'un envers l'autre.

(D'après Sophie Cadalen, psychanalyste, auteure et interprète de la pièce "Tu m'aimes comment ?")


Quelques témoignages ICI (psychologies.com)


Si ce sujet vous intéresse et/ou vous concerne, je vous conseille ces lectures:

"Repenser le couple" par Jacques-Antoine Malarewicz, Le livre de Poche, 5,20 €

"60 réponses pour être heureux" par  Marie-Claude Gavard et Dominique Bouchart, Odile Jacob, 21 €


Categories: Psychologie et introspection, Questions / Réponses

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